In 2022, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found that of the nation’s 83.8 million families, 80.1% had at least one employed member. And 82.2% of employed mothers whose youngest child was between the age of 6 and 17 worked full time. With so many working parents in the workforce, one would hope employers would be accommodating. But a recent Glassdoor survey with Harris Poll revealed that 34% of working parents fear they will be left behind in the workplace, so working parents are not as comfortable as one might think.
And of course, the other portion of the parental population not currently employed, about 24 million people, is a huge potential labor pool that companies struggling for help could be hiring from. But first they must build a flexible, accommodating environment that embraces moms and dads, and parents must carve a new path forward that allows them to tackle the challenges both at work and at home.
After parental leave, a working parent’s return to the workforce can be a daunting experience. As they adjust to their new roles as parents and professionals, their self-assurance can lapse and stress can rise. In a From Day One webinar about “Helping Working Parents Make a Confident Comeback,” panelists explored how parents can make a more self-assured comeback to the workforce.
Embracing a Life Meets Work Mentality
Tara Sherman, well-being strategy leader at Boeing, points out that the pandemic had a positive impact on the work/life conversation. “We always knew that working parents and caregivers needed more support and resources. But the pandemic put the spotlight on it that we couldn't ignore. And it forced everyone at all levels of leadership, men and women, to understand more deeply the needs that are out there,” Sherman said. Workers have become more courageous in asking for what they need, Sherman says, and employers are more open to creative solutions in more flexible working environments.
Robbie Green, executive coach at Talking Talent, encourages her coaching clients to focus on “What do you need now? Because in three months, it might change.” This mentality is especially key for working parents, whose needs may drastically change as their job and their child’s development progresses. Both workers and their managers should recognize that each parent’s experience and needs are different. There can be a lot of assumptions, especially about working moms, so parents need to be direct and intentional when communicating and do so from a place of power rather than apology. “This is what I need at this juncture of my life and career so that I can continue to show it with excellence in the workplace,” Green said. “Asking for what you need is not an excuse.”
It’s also important not to try to hide when you’re making a parenting choice. Jessica Escalante, head of HR, USA at Grundfos, shares that she used to hide when she was leaving to pick up her daughter from school. But once she began putting it in her work calendar and naming it, her colleagues respected it, acknowledged it, and worked around it. But there’s also give and take. “Am I going to make every play, every field trip? What are my priorities?” Escalante said. Decide what you must do and what you can skip to remain respectful to your employer.
“People are also dropping boundaries,” Sherman said, referring to company support groups for postpartum depression and more honest talk about work/life balance challenges in the office. This generational shift has led to more respect for caregiving in the workplace.
Establishing and Enforcing Healthy Boundaries
Working parents need to set their own boundaries in order to support their well-being and self-efficacy. “We have 12 weeks [guaranteed] paid leave now, which as compared to other countries is not enough. But it is a nice change from where we were,” Sherman said. It’s important that parents of all genders take the full leave they are given, not only for their own benefit, but to set the example for others and help establish boundaries and balance as the norm.
Sherman says employers should be prepared for employees to come to them with their own specific priorities, not all of which will be the same. For example, some may not want to check email after 7 PM so they can devote that time to their high school age kids. Yet others with younger children may stop at 3 PM, then log back on to work at 7 PM once the kids are in bed. As long as the work is getting done and the team is effective, the employer should do their best to accommodate those requests.
Escalante stresses the importance of employee advocacy, as well as managers who will fight for their team when necessary. “Even if there aren’t [parental] policies in place, there are leaders who can lend a helping hand for that parent who needs that additional motivation to stay employed,” Escalante said.
Cheryl Ryan, vice president of human resources at Xerox, notes that parents are no longer as accepting or accommodating of employers that do not support a family-friendly culture, nor should they be. “I’m seeing more empowerment, employees knowing they have options that if their current company can’t support their balance, they will find one that does,” Ryan said.
Planning for Career Progression After Parental Leave
Green encourages her clients to be proactive in their career. “What do you want to do next? How do you need to develop to get to ‘next,’ and who can help you with that?” Green said. Ten-year plans might be too much for parents to handle, but the next step should always be the goal. She suggests starting internally through conversations with your manager about how to develop and advance to the next level.
Ryan notes that given the massive life change that parenthood brings, working parents may be “holding themselves back when they don’t need to,” thinking that their career can no longer be their priority. But parents should “keep the personal development wheels spinning, working on your tools, skills, and capabilities. They’re going to help you regardless of what direction you take.”
On the other hand, Escalante says there is no shame in pausing. “It’s OK if you don’t want it right now. It’s okay to just be happy where you are, do well, and enjoy your child,” Escalante said. “Everybody’s on their own journey.” In a virtual world with remote work options, workers can take advantage of this space to learn and work while caring for their child. Green adds that “being competent in your role is part of your job.” Development and learning time can happen during the workday and shouldn’t have to take away from your parenting duties.
A Truly Family-friendly Work Culture
Green points out that childbirth is a “major medical event” and forward thinking companies are now treating it as such, often allowing for as much as six to eight months parental leave, as opposed to six to eight weeks.
Ryan shares that the family-friendly culture at Xerox is part of what has kept her, as a mother of two children, at the company for more than 30 years. Having that culture starts with ensuring that the programmatic enablers are in place: parental leave, part-time options, flex time, job sharing, etc. “But what truly is a game changer is your cultural norms–those behaviors that send the message that not only is it acceptable to utilize these programs and these offerings, but that it’s encouraged by the management teams,” Ryan said.
She has seen this first-hand in employee surveys and interviews. “One of the most prominent factors of the employee value proposition for the working parents was how their manager supported their need to balance.” If the manager has been a working parent themselves, that can help. But if the manager doesn’t have their own experience to build from, then it’s incumbent on HR, Ryan says, to demonstrate the ROI on the investment in working parents through higher retention and engagement.
Sherman says HR should be training managers on how to work with parents. “Teach them how to manage outputs instead of time. Give them examples of behaviors as opposed to lip service,” Sherman said. “Don’t tell someone it’s okay to go to the parent-teacher conference at 3 PM and then start chasing them at 3:45 for what you're looking for. Those kinds of behaviors make a difference.”
Escalante says companies need to “budget” for working parents – include potential parental leaves in your forecasts and prepare in advance for employees’ absences. Green sums it up: “Your benefits should be supported by your business plan. There needs to be clarity from the top down of what these benefits are, with a plan in place” so that the burden of preparation doesn’t fall on the parent, but on the organization.
Supporting the Next Generation of Working Parents
Moderator Lydia Dishman, senior editor of growth and engagement at Fast Company, points out that with five generations in the workforce now, there are people at the top who may have gone through this phase in their lives in a much different corporate environment than Millennials and Gen Z are now experiencing. The younger people “are coming into the workforce, expecting that their needs are going to be met,” Dishman said. “And I think sometimes there’s a conflict there.”
Escalante encourages older managers not to enforce antiquated rules on younger generations – just because you struggled, doesn’t mean everyone else has to. “We’re evolving as a society and we want to progress,” Escalante said. “Why should your experience be as bad as your grandpa’s?” By incorporating flexibility, setting boundaries, and learning from past mistakes, employees and managers can work together to build a more supportive workplace for parents.
Katie Chambers is a freelance writer and award-winning communications executive with a lifelong commitment to supporting artists and advocating for inclusion. Her work has been seen in HuffPost, Honeysuckle Magazine, and several printed essay collections, among others, and she has appeared on Cheddar News, iWomanTV, and CBS New York.