How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women, at Work and Home

BY Angelica Frey | December 13, 2020

Throughout the pandemic, women are the ones who’ve borne the brunt of the distress. The recent Women in the Workplace survey by McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org found that one in four women are considering downshifting their careers or leaving the workforce, largely because of the critical shortage of childcare. An alarming number have already left. In September, of the nearly 1.1 million workers who dropped out of the workforce, about 865,000 were women, while 216,000 were men, according to the National Women’s Law Center. We’re in the middle of a she-cession, a mass exodus of women from the workforce, with women of color particularly affected.

Women were already at a disadvantage at home and in the workplace, carrying most of the load as parents and enduring longstanding inequities on the job. Now that the situation has become an emergency, one of the pressing questions is whether women will be expected to solve these issues on their own. They shouldn't, according to the authors of the new book Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace, by professors David G. Smith and W. Brad Johnson. They argue that men, who are often the most influential stakeholders in an organization, need to pitch in–now more than ever. “I think companies are wrestling with, How do we prevent losing two or three decades of progress on diversity and inclusion when it comes to gender? And that's a huge challenge,” said Johnson in a conversation with the co-authors moderated by Faye Penn, executive director of Speaking at From Day One’s recent conference on how employers can help working parents, the authors offered insights from their longtime research on gender equity:

No, It’s Not Just a “Women’s Thing”: “Too often we find that men hear words like women or diversity or equity, or inclusion about gender, and they immediately check out. They assume that's a women's thing: That's not for me, I don't really have a role in that. I don't have a voice. That’s not me. Men have been nowhere in sight,” said Johnson. “We want to flip the script. It’s not about women, this is about leadership–inclusion, equity, making people feel genuine, belonging–this should all be part of our leadership’s brand.” On that note, to some men, it’s quite an abstract concept. “Guys believe in gender equity, but most will say they’re not sure what their role is,” said Smith. “The guys who really do believe in it, they’re not doing as much as what they think they are.”

What About Your Household? Allyship does not end in the workplace. “We’re never gonna get to equity if it’s always women who have to step away from work during the pandemic,” said Johnson, noting that, when it comes to domestic duties that arise during work-from-home situations, women tend to do twice the work of their partner. (Single moms, of course, carry an even greater burden.) “As long as that’s the case, no matter how good we are at work, they’re always going to have this double shift,” he said. So, any man partnered with a woman should ask himself the following questions: Am I doing my share of the housework, of the child care, of everything that comes with that? Am I helping with the emotional labor of running a family? Am I planning the next event? Do I know my children's clothing sizes? These concerns tend to fall on women–and tend to go unacknowledged by men.

Role Modeling Works: At home, seeing their father being engaged in household and family-management chores gives a good example for both sons and daughters, the authors pointed out. Sons will learn that equally heavy lifting in the house is the norm. Daughters, by contrast, will grow up to expect the same from their own partners. At work, Smith said, men who want to be good allies of their female coworkers should talk about having to take one of the kids to the doctor, or having to leave a little earlier for a parent-teacher conference. In the good examples they’ve observed, “They talked about leaving loudly, they made it very visible when they were leaving and why they were leaving,” Smith said. “That’s to role-model for the junior men [at work].” This also means de-stigmatizing flex-work arrangements. “Most of us recognize that these are not women's programs anymore,” he said. “Not that they ever were before, it's just that women took advantage of them more often than men did.”

The Rules Have to Be Backed up by the Culture: If a company establishes equitable parenting policies for men and women, but fosters a culture that discourages fathers from taking advantage of them, the situation tends to prolong the inequity. Fear of being sidelined is strong, especially among men. While young fathers do want to lean in and be better partners at home, knowing that it’s better for a child’s development, they often face this kind of headwind, both from their supervisors and their peers. “If a guy takes two months [to take care of his new baby], men are like, Dude, why do you wanna be home with a baby? That’s something we have to overcome,” said Johnson.

Speaking on allyship in the workplace, clockwise from upper left: moderator Faye Penn of and authors David G. Smith and W. Brad Johnson (Image by From Day One)

America Is Not Scandinavia, But We Should Do Better: It’s well known that other countries have better maternity- and paternity-leave policies than the U.S.–120 countries offer paid maternity leave. In the U.S., the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) allows employees 12 weeks of leave after the birth of a child, but they’re not required to be paid and only 60% of workers are eligible. America’s laws tend to reflect its traditional views toward work and family. “The notion of what work is, and the nature of work–it's this very individualistic perspective that we have that, Hey, having children is your choice,” said Smith. “There’s no collectivist idea that children are a natural thing, that we should have children, and that it's healthy for our country and our families and our society to do that.”

Plus, there’s the conditioning of the American Dream: That if we work hard enough, then we can move up. As a corollary, taking time off is not a sign of hard work. It’s a notion that’s hard to shake off, even subconsciously. “I believe in the American Dream, too,” said Smith. “But I also believe that we have to support our families, because they're going to have children. And part of a healthy society is having that support network there.”

Angelica Frey is a writer and a translator based in Milan and Brooklyn.


With a Bumper Crop of New Options, Benefits Leaders Need to Make Smart Choices

It’s no secret that employees expect more from employers than they did five years ago. Companies have offered innovative solutions from pet care to travel-as-a-benefit to meet the demand. But companies only have so many resources, especially nowadays, as the economy begins to decline. “Many of us are thinking about coming out of this couple of years of such an intensive talent and labor market, where a lot of companies have been under pressure to offer more and more,” said Joanna Daly, vice president of total rewards at IBM. “So I do think we're at an inflection point.”As a result, employers have to make choices about what benefits are the most valuable to employees and prospective hires.Daly spoke with moderator Bryan Walsh, editor for Future Project at Vox Media, at From Day One’s virtual April conference, “Creative Total Rewards to Set Employers Apart,” during a fireside chat session.
“Total rewards” refers to the combination of compensation and benefits that the company provides. At IBM, Daly said, total rewards exist within a broader value proposition and must align with the company’s goals, values, and culture.Keeping Total Rewards SustainableOne challenge employers face is maintaining sustainable benefits, especially in a changing economic landscape. Daly approaches important decisions regarding sustainability by working through a few key questions.First, she considers scale. While it’s important to consider how a new benefit will fit into your company now, it’s also critical to consider how it will work down the line. What are your company’s growth plans? Will this benefit still work as you scale your headcount?“Is that seemingly small investment going to start to become potentially a pretty large expenditure?” Daly asked.Secondly, Daly considers choice. Every dollar spent on one benefit is a dollar the company is choosing not to spend somewhere else. Why is this the best choice for the company to make?Next, she considers automation. Every human resources team only has so much time on their hands, and introducing a new benefit can eat up even more of that time. That’s why it’s important to automate wherever you can. If a benefit can be automated right from the beginning, it’ll help free up your team’s time.“Is there something that is simple to administer that achieves most of the outcome versus something highly complex that could end up taking a lot more of your time and effort to deliver?” Daly said.Lastly, Daly considers if the offering ties into the company’s culture and values.“How do you maximize the sum of what you're offering to employees so that it's cohesive? People actually perceive more value out of [the sum] than than its individual parts,” Daly said. “And I think one of the most effective ways to do that is really try to align to your culture and your values.”One way to align total rewards with company culture is to take a “design thinking” approach to benefits. Daly considers all of the personas that play a role in benefits–including the employees, their families, business leaders, and prospective hires–to find the areas where their needs align rather than looking at all their differences.“It's where you can find that alignment, that I think that you can find offerings that have that mutually reinforcing impact,” Daly said.For example, IBM used a design thinking approach to create its recognition programs. By focusing on what behaviors IBM was trying to reinforce within different personas in the company, the team was able to create a recognition program that is easy to use and grounded in the company’s culture.But why is it important for companies to be sustainable about their benefits in the first place? Daly stressed that introducing a benefit and then taking it away is much worse than never offering it at all. This is due to “loss aversion,” or the idea that people tend to notice if something is taken away more than they would if it was never there to begin with. Daly tries to think of the people who will be in her role years down the line, and how her decisions will affect them and the employees at large.“Are they going to thank me for trying my best to make good decisions? Or will they be cursing my name, that I've left them with some things to clean up? Trying to envision that future person who will be sitting in this seat is something that guides that long-term decision making,” Daly said.Total Rewards ChallengesHuman resources teams face a number of challenges when it comes to building a total rewards package, deciding what benefits to include, and rolling those benefits out to employees.One of those challenges is competing with peer companies’ offerings. Employees are bound to hear about other benefits in their industry and might wonder why their company doesn’t offer the same.But Daly reminded attendees that benefits are a long-term space, and introducing things just to take them away later or simply introducing them to respond to demand, might not play well into long-term planning.Daly said that it’s fine to learn about your competitors and take inspiration from other companies—as long as you’re not too reactive to them. Every “good idea” is only a good idea as long as it fits in with company culture.Joanna Daly and Bryan Walsh during the virtual conference (photo by From Day One)“Does this reinforce other parts of our employee value proposition and culture? And if you can't really get the answers aligned on those questions, then it's probably better not to follow suit and introduce something just because others may be doing it,” Daly said.Of course, companies have also faced the challenge of accommodating changing attitudes since the pandemic, whether it’s in regard to hybrid work, flexible schedules, or the demand for more benefits. Many employers have introduced new benefits during the pandemic to react to demand and better support employees, IBM included. Recently, IBM introduced emergency backup care for parents, who often struggle to find adequate childcare if their primary option, such as daycare or family members, fell through.By introducing this benefit, IBM was able to prevent employees from unexpectedly taking the day off, calling in sick, or falling behind on meetings and routine work. Not only does it help both the employees and the employer, but it also plays into the larger company culture of supporting one another.Since the pandemic, Daly has noticed some other changes in general attitudes towards benefits. Namely, she said, employees want their benefits to be easier to navigate. Benefits exist to make employees’ lives easier, not to stress them out even more.Additionally, she said she sees a need for more support toward financial goals during times of financial uncertainty. This can include helping to pay off student loans or saving for retirement. And employees want to stay relevant and competitive during these times of uncertainty, so skill-building and career development are extra important.In terms of schedules, she sees hourly workers wanting predictability in their schedules so they can plan their lives around their shifts. At IBM, Daly explained, every team has their own approach to hybrid, remote, and in-person work. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and teams are trusted to make their own routines.But even for seasoned HR professionals, there are always new challenges. Daly was surprised by a general shift toward employees expecting more help from their employers in a broader sense. She said it’s not uncommon for employees to ask about tax advisory or tax prep support during tax season or to inquire about benefits for their pets–many of whom were acquired during the pandemic.“Maybe before, there was a set of things that we all kind of understood the employer was providing in terms of benefits. Now, I think it's sort of blurred,” Daly explained. “People are asking for help more broadly. But that's also where we have to be deliberate about where we invest and where we spend our time and money versus things that people might be okay to manage on their own.”Measuring Value and SuccessWith so many options for employers in terms of total rewards packages, it’s vital to know how to measure what is and isn’t working. Sometimes it’s hard for leaders to see the value of certain rewards, especially those that are non-monetary.For example, IBM’s recognition program has a mix of monetary rewards, point-based rewards (which can be redeemed for physical prizes), and digital cards that employees can send to one another.Although the monetary rewards might seem the most “valuable” at first glance, Daly explained that every card that an employee sends to someone leads to five more sent.“And when we step back and thought about the reason behind this, it's really that someone took time out of their day to recognize and appreciate someone else,” she said. “And that act is really communicating, ‘I see you, I value you.’”Measuring the success of rewards, in general, can be difficult, especially when so many things are changing at once. Daly keeps success in mind in a few different ways.“When I think of the total rewards space, the first thing is, I don't want any of the total rewards, offerings, compensation or benefits to be a pain point, and I don't want them to be barriers to recruitment or to retaining our employees,” she said.Still, she also doesn’t want to overdo benefits or invest in the wrong rewards. It’s not just about being above market. It’s about being market-competitive, offering a solid package, and differentiating packages based on skills.“For me, that's success,” she said. “Others will have a different answer.”Erika Riley is a Maryland-based freelance writer.

Erika Riley | June 06, 2023

Unlocking Our Full Potential: Breaking Free From Limiting Habits, Jobs, and Business Models

Would you believe that even the most accomplished individuals in their field deal with the feeling of being stuck?Adam Alter, the author of Anatomy of a Breakthrough: How to Get Unstuck When It Matters Most relays that Lionel Messi, perhaps the greatest living soccer player, is famously quite anxious. When he was starting out his coaches noted that while physically and athletically accomplished, he lacked temperament.Messi subsequently had to learn to quell his anxiety, and his solution might seem paradoxical. “He learned to start the game by not playing for the first few minutes,” Alter told journalist Lila Seidman of the Los Angeles Times during From Day One’s May virtual conference. “He spends the first 2-3 minutes just ambling around. If you plot the path, everybody is darting around. Messi is barely moving: it quells his anxiety, but he’s also tactically beneficial, he’s surveying the territory. When it comes time to play for the remaining minutes, he’s in a better tactical position.”At the core of Anatomy of a Breakthrough, is the idea that trying to counteract stuckness with frantic action is counterproductive.Stuckness is something that is extended or chronic. “It’s not the momentary frustration. Those crop up all the time,” explained Alter. Being stuck is something that plagues people in the long haul. In addition, Alter urges people to focus away from achievement alone.Rather, he is interested in the kind of positive outcomes that follow frustration, friction, and difficulty. “One of the interesting features is how many interesting paradoxes you encounter,” he explains. “When you’re stuck, you should do nothing. We tend to flail in the phase of stuckness. We’re well adapted to deal with physical stuckness, we're not adapted to deal with stuckness with emotional consequences. Before you do anything, grapple with the fact you’re in this provoking, lonely situation. There are paradoxes that apply to breaking free and breaking through.”Lila Seidman interviewed Adam Alter in the grand-finale fireside chat during the From Day One May virtual conference (photo by From Day One)This involves reframing how to view the feeling of difficulty. Difficulty typically awakens strong, negative emotions. “As a species, [we need to] recognize we’re in the position of stuck and failing,” he explains. “Those failures, as you mount them, become the source behind success.” In fact, the idea of succeeding quickly is a myth. “The deeper you dig, you start to see that no success comes from a vacuum: it’s important to view those failures as essential, and that in itself calms people down,” says Alter.Stuckness does not just plague individuals, but companies too. “When I was a grad student, when recruiters came to campus, they wouldn’t just go to the finance people,” recalls Alter. “A lot of these firms will say “show me the best Russian literature majors,” and pick from the non-overlapping fields.” This resulted in the recruitment of smart people who would learn on the job but would bring a different perspective to the workplace.In addition, some companies purposely cultivate conflict: there’s evidence that if you have an incompetent AI bot that influences your process, even if it’s not productive, it shakes things up. These bots unstick you faster. On a human level, Pixar has adopted a similar strategy: while the bulk of the work consists of creating and animating immersive worlds where water flickers and even the thinnest strand of grass moves at the slightest breeze, they purposely bring in conflict in their artistic process. They’ll bring in a storytelling expert who intentionally cares little about graphics and visuals, shifting the focus. “The black sheep will push back,” says Alter. “You should have one or two in your circle.”Getting unstuck also requires the act of reframing the way we perceive creativity. Creativity has two lenses, explains Alter. “One is the insight lens,” says Alter. “Insight is the one we most associate with the standard definition of creativity. Sure, some people have more insight than others, and this gives them more ideas. I find it an upsetting idea. It’s not supported by research,” says Alter. By contrast, the production lens says that creativity is a matter of circumstance, hard work, and a lot of sleep—and sleep is dramatically important.“We have this illusion that we think that our best ideas come first and the bad ideas follow,” of course, it’s not factually correct. Try asking people to list unusual foods to eat at Thanksgiving. “The first 10 ideas tumble out, the others take effort to come by, because all the obvious stuff is gone,” explains Alter. “There’s a reason the first ideas come easily: they’re not creative.” People erroneously think that the ideas that come after are inherently worse. “If you spend an extra 10 minutes, those are the divergent drives,” says Alter. “It’s not just persevering: when things get hard, that’s when the good stuff starts to happen.”Angelica Frey is a writer and a translator based in Boston and Milan.

Angelica Frey | June 05, 2023

Providing Learning & Growth Opportunities for Employees, Even in Austere Times

Finding low-cost learning opportunities can be the difference between keeping an employee and losing them. According to an international poll by McKinsey, 41% of workers who quit their jobs in recent years did so because of a lack of career development opportunities, the most commonly cited reason for voluntary departure.“It’s important that we’re retaining our employees because we need that knowledge internally,” said Nicole Underwood, VP of HR business partners at visual media company Getty Images. The company’s workers are highly specialized, and it can be tough to find replacements. If they’re not able to backfill a vacated position, Getty offers others the chance to volunteer for the responsibilities on the table, opening up reach projects and promotable work. Underwood sees it as an investment “not only in the individual who gets the opportunity, but in the others who are surrounding them and see this as an opportunity to look for their own.” Watching colleagues grow can spark the motivation to do the same.During From Day One’s May virtual conference, Underwood and four other leaders in people operations and learning and development participated in a panel discussion, which I moderated, on how to provide career development opportunities for employees even in austere times.Fellow panelist Madhukar Govindaraju, the CEO at coaching and networking software company Numly, said that in the past he’s been in the unfortunate position of choosing who gets access to opportunities like coaches and mentoring. It’s a choice he’s not willing to accept anymore.“Even in a public company, I could afford executive coaching for only the top 4% of my organization. What do you do with the bottom 96%? Do you tell them to wait until they get promoted? You have to do something about it,” he said.“We do find ways to be scrappy,” said Jennifer Muszik, the head of worldwide field learning at biotech company Biogen. For instance, if you’re forced to roll back a third-party coaching app, replace it with an internal program. “Not everybody can get a coach, but who can get a mentor?” Biogen pays for some of its leaders to train as certified coaches with the expectation that they pass that knowledge along. “They’re going out into the organization and coaching others, then others get the benefit of that skill, and then can apply that within their own teams,” she said.“Internal talent is an amazing resource, and I’m always surprised at how interested people are to hear from one another,” said Greg Hill, the chief people officer at corporate wellness and fitness center operator Exos. He calls it “relatable learning.”The panelists from top left, moderator Emily McCrary-Ruiz-Esparza, Madhukar Govindaraju of Numly, Nicole Underwood of Getty Images, Jennifer Muszik of Biogen, Gina Larson of Teneo, and Greg Hill of Exos (photo by From Day One)Internal programs have their limits, and not everyone who wants a shot will get one, so panelists recommended selecting workers who already have specific goals in mind. “A lot of people say ‘I want to grow,’ and then when we talk to them about how they want to grow, they’re not really sure,” Hill noted.Gina Larsen, the senior director of talent development at PR advisory and executive consulting firm Teneo, said she likes to identify an employee with leadership potential, someone on the succession plan, but with some obstacle in their way, like a missing or underdeveloped skill.If you’re in a position where you do have to roll back a development program or be more selective with participants, speak frankly, but don’t spook the staff, said Hill. “Personal professional development and career growth is a non-starter, if you don’t offer it in this day and age,” he said. So rather than telling employees, “we’re not doing it right now,” tell them, “we’re going to do it differently for a while.” Some employers are designing elaborate development programs inside their organizations. At Getty Images, cohorts of about 25 employees go through a nine-month intensive where they learn how the business works and receive mentorship from senior leaders. At the end, they’re expected to document and pitch a new business idea.Not all proposals are chosen, but some are. Underwood said that one of the first cohorts came up with a mentoring program for members of underrepresented demographics. “It’s been wildly successful, and all of our senior leadership team has been tapped,” said Underwood. “We’ve seen over 75% of these employees have been promoted into the next role.”If you don’t have the HR budget for learning and development, check the sofa cushions, panelists said. Sales teams have learning and development budgets, and so do employee resource groups, said Govindaraju. “We have had very good success working with companies that have ERGs that are already chartered to drive engagement because now we’re bringing learning and engagement into one bucket.”If budget isn’t the problem, then it’s time, Govindaraju added. The HR department is overloaded, as are people managers, and there’s often little time left for running skill development programs. “Managers [are] already burdened with various things. Now you’re adding an element of learning how to code, and now suddenly you are responsible for the development of your team members,” he said. Teneo’s Larsen argued that austerity doesn’t require sacrificing ambition. When time is a luxury, she chooses fewer but bigger projects. Teneo recently flew in 25 senior leaders from around the world with the remit to collaborate and grow the business plan. It was a huge financial investment–but she was confident in the returns. If they put in $150,000 and just one of those leaders produces a $500,000 increase in revenue, the investment would be worth it.“It goes back to rigor and discipline,” said Larsen. “I think a really important part is not overburdening the learning team, because this takes a lot of time. So if we do an ambitious program that makes a big impact, you say goodbye to another program or two that’s less impactful so that you have the bandwidth and opportunity to make something that [requires more money], but is super impactful.”Emily McCrary-Ruiz-Esparza is a freelance journalist and From Day One contributing editor who writes about work, the job market, and women's experiences in the workplace. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, Quartz at Work, Fast Company, Digiday’s Worklife, and Food Technology, among others. 

Emily McCrary-Ruiz-Esparza | May 30, 2023